Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im drinking this country out of the recession.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
