worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
