Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
