The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
