Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just had sex bonerless
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
