we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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