remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
