apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
