I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
