I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sorry my hands just texted you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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