oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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