and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
