...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
