So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its not stalking. its research.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
