We're facebook friends in real life
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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