The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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