Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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