Im at strip club and am horny
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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