He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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