I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
