you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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