the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
