it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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