how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So many bounce houses so little time
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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