He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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