you have to choose: penises or morals?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
