she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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