I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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