I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
