Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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