I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
