just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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