Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
