I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
its liver damage thursday
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
