i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
