Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
