i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
