You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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