anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
