So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
