i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
try to milk me bitch
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