We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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