coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
