and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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