I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
