I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
