3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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