I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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