I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
