I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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