What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
